I'm sitting in my room, it's almost 2AM again. I haven't gone to bed before 1AM in weeks. Probably will not be heading to bed anytime soon. It does explain my lack of energy and the many classes I have missed in those weeks. Thankfully I have understanding teachers, but regardless of them, I myself am not being responsible.
At this point I'm just like screw it, I'm sleeping. Terrible, but this semester has been very boring. Yes I'm one of those kids who doesn't succeed if I'm bored. I'm completely capable of over achieving. That's also been pointed out by my classmates. "Oh stop over achieving!" (joke?) "Oh I'm not as good as you." I don't really enjoy comments like such, I feel spited, and targeted. Plus I knew my teacher from last semester so sometimes it looks like I am a teacher's pet. Oh joy. You get those same glares from your classmates you did in Junior High. Even in JH I would slack off mainly because I didn't want to be that teacher's pet. Oh how awful that really is.
I also notice how spiteful I am, or can be. You should have seen the eye roll I gave my teacher when he announced our "group project". My teachers are fine with me, because for the most part I'm delightful, but I don't know what's been over me. I've even had a teacher ask me if I was "alright" after I snapped at him. He gently backed off as I responded with a "oh I'm fine". I would much rather be respectful and a delightful person but I've let go a lot more this semester. Let a lot out. That's why I am glad I will be only part time at City College. I need to be somewhat stimulated and active at school otherwise I'll end up more spiteful, and less liked. It's not a personality conflict, it's a choice.
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Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - hate [heyt]
verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2. to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
–verb (used without object)
3. to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
–noun
4. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5. the object of extreme aversion or hostility.
For whatever reason, I am still muttering over past conflicts, that I want to be over but I'm not. I suppose my conflict can be described as thus: you leave a place, and you want to leave it forever, but for so long you called it home, metaphorically or otherwise, and so now there is a hole where your heart should have been. That sums it up, generically. Have you felt this way?
Hate is a funny thing. Not funny.. hate is "interesting". I left the pronunciation of it up there. The idea of explaining hate to someone, well, I think it's a lot easier than explaining "air". We use the word "hate" meaninglessly, just like "love". Or "hope" or "grace", or "thank you". And for those Christians, "I will pray for you". Over used words, and frankly many do not mean a thing these days.
I use to feel I didn't know hate, or feel capable of hating someone or something. It's not until you actually hate someone that you go "wow, this is a very dark feeling." It's a lot easier to hate someone once you've let yourself hate one person. That's a pity really. It's a lot like lust. Not that you crave hate, but that you allow it to cover your mind and overflow your heart. Soon you're lost in it, drowning in it. It's so hard to get away from. And I struggle with it too.
It feels good to write my thoughts down. Feel free to share your feelings on the matter(s)
-wb
-----
Please check out www.Shanalogic.com. I generally love what they have on showcase there. Plus who could beat this quote "Support artists - Buy handmade and feel good about every purchase!" :)
Again I link http://icanhascheezburger.com/ Could make anyone happy. :)
At this point I'm just like screw it, I'm sleeping. Terrible, but this semester has been very boring. Yes I'm one of those kids who doesn't succeed if I'm bored. I'm completely capable of over achieving. That's also been pointed out by my classmates. "Oh stop over achieving!" (joke?) "Oh I'm not as good as you." I don't really enjoy comments like such, I feel spited, and targeted. Plus I knew my teacher from last semester so sometimes it looks like I am a teacher's pet. Oh joy. You get those same glares from your classmates you did in Junior High. Even in JH I would slack off mainly because I didn't want to be that teacher's pet. Oh how awful that really is.
I also notice how spiteful I am, or can be. You should have seen the eye roll I gave my teacher when he announced our "group project". My teachers are fine with me, because for the most part I'm delightful, but I don't know what's been over me. I've even had a teacher ask me if I was "alright" after I snapped at him. He gently backed off as I responded with a "oh I'm fine". I would much rather be respectful and a delightful person but I've let go a lot more this semester. Let a lot out. That's why I am glad I will be only part time at City College. I need to be somewhat stimulated and active at school otherwise I'll end up more spiteful, and less liked. It's not a personality conflict, it's a choice.
------
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - hate [heyt]
verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2. to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
–verb (used without object)
3. to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
–noun
4. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5. the object of extreme aversion or hostility.
For whatever reason, I am still muttering over past conflicts, that I want to be over but I'm not. I suppose my conflict can be described as thus: you leave a place, and you want to leave it forever, but for so long you called it home, metaphorically or otherwise, and so now there is a hole where your heart should have been. That sums it up, generically. Have you felt this way?
Hate is a funny thing. Not funny.. hate is "interesting". I left the pronunciation of it up there. The idea of explaining hate to someone, well, I think it's a lot easier than explaining "air". We use the word "hate" meaninglessly, just like "love". Or "hope" or "grace", or "thank you". And for those Christians, "I will pray for you". Over used words, and frankly many do not mean a thing these days.
I use to feel I didn't know hate, or feel capable of hating someone or something. It's not until you actually hate someone that you go "wow, this is a very dark feeling." It's a lot easier to hate someone once you've let yourself hate one person. That's a pity really. It's a lot like lust. Not that you crave hate, but that you allow it to cover your mind and overflow your heart. Soon you're lost in it, drowning in it. It's so hard to get away from. And I struggle with it too.
It feels good to write my thoughts down. Feel free to share your feelings on the matter(s)
-wb
-----
Please check out www.Shanalogic.com. I generally love what they have on showcase there. Plus who could beat this quote "Support artists - Buy handmade and feel good about every purchase!" :)
Again I link http://icanhascheezburger.com/ Could make anyone happy. :)
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