Nathan leaves for London, England today, at 9am, 5/31 (PST). He arrives there at 7AM, 6/1 (England). He'll be gone for 15 days. Just keep him in your thoughts!
Hockey, Hospitals, and mon besoin.
I guess you go through life hoping you won't have to interact with the hospital. At least that's how I feel. The few times I have been to the hospital have been brief. I can remember almost every time as well. I don't like hospital, and I don't like doctors.
Monday started out like every day, except it was a holiday. (Which is always a great feeling). By 12:30, Nathan and I were meeting a friend, John, at Target. I was going to be driving his 1972 bug, to get a feel for driving a [small] stick shift car. After test driving and lunch we decided to meet eachother at the inline hockey rink at 3. I went with Nathan and John went on his way. We were hoping to meet up with 2 or 3 other people at the rink as well.
To our surprise their was a group of probably 15 already on the rink. We would always say these were "the pros", the full gear players. Nathan decided to play with them, while waiting for John and the others. He played with them and eventually our friends showed up and we had a good size game going.
At 4:30 Nathan and another player collided. They hit each other right in the head, and due to the fact neither was wearing a helmet there was a bit of a concern. Nathan right away got off the rink, and as we sat there I looked over his face. The impact happened right above his left eye. It was evident that we needed to go to the hospital as a thumb sized dent started to form above his eyebrow. A bump maybe would not raise alarm, but this dent did. We were at the hospital by 5 and in the trauma room by 5:30.
After being examined by many a surprised doctor, and a CT scan he was demeaned okay. He fractured the bone, and it collapsed into his frontal sinuses. From what I understand, it sounded like it was the best thing that could have happened. The dent was because the sinuses were there. Almost like they caught the injury and protected his brain (as the skull was created to do).
Nathan remained calm the entire time. I could tell he was in pain, I could tell it hurt. I felt weak, I wanted to take his pain away, but I couldn't. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what would happen. I was scared. But I remained calm, because he did. Here he is, injured and telling me it's going to be okay.
Sometimes it takes fear and pain to realize who you love, why you love them and why they love you. I was born to love him. I couldn't be more thankful for that boy.
They tell me he needs me. But I think, in that moment of fear, I realized how much I needed him too.
Monday started out like every day, except it was a holiday. (Which is always a great feeling). By 12:30, Nathan and I were meeting a friend, John, at Target. I was going to be driving his 1972 bug, to get a feel for driving a [small] stick shift car. After test driving and lunch we decided to meet eachother at the inline hockey rink at 3. I went with Nathan and John went on his way. We were hoping to meet up with 2 or 3 other people at the rink as well.
To our surprise their was a group of probably 15 already on the rink. We would always say these were "the pros", the full gear players. Nathan decided to play with them, while waiting for John and the others. He played with them and eventually our friends showed up and we had a good size game going.
At 4:30 Nathan and another player collided. They hit each other right in the head, and due to the fact neither was wearing a helmet there was a bit of a concern. Nathan right away got off the rink, and as we sat there I looked over his face. The impact happened right above his left eye. It was evident that we needed to go to the hospital as a thumb sized dent started to form above his eyebrow. A bump maybe would not raise alarm, but this dent did. We were at the hospital by 5 and in the trauma room by 5:30.
After being examined by many a surprised doctor, and a CT scan he was demeaned okay. He fractured the bone, and it collapsed into his frontal sinuses. From what I understand, it sounded like it was the best thing that could have happened. The dent was because the sinuses were there. Almost like they caught the injury and protected his brain (as the skull was created to do).
Nathan remained calm the entire time. I could tell he was in pain, I could tell it hurt. I felt weak, I wanted to take his pain away, but I couldn't. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what would happen. I was scared. But I remained calm, because he did. Here he is, injured and telling me it's going to be okay.
Sometimes it takes fear and pain to realize who you love, why you love them and why they love you. I was born to love him. I couldn't be more thankful for that boy.
They tell me he needs me. But I think, in that moment of fear, I realized how much I needed him too.
A good weekend.
I've had a good weekend. Has a nice ring to it. You know? Heh. It's just uplifting to have one. I've had the flu (actually, I don't know what it was), I've had life happening. But, I was able to enjoy myself.
It's these times in your life you need a boost. I can recall many times where it seemed like life was kicking my butt, I didn't think I would survive. But right at that moment something good happens. Whether it'd be someone saying "hey some people are coming over.. wanna hang out?", family just being like "Barnes and Noble sounds fun! Lets hop in the car!" or flowers after a bad day. I smiled at the thought of those memories. Those moments I will remember forever.
It's these times in your life you need a boost. I can recall many times where it seemed like life was kicking my butt, I didn't think I would survive. But right at that moment something good happens. Whether it'd be someone saying "hey some people are coming over.. wanna hang out?", family just being like "Barnes and Noble sounds fun! Lets hop in the car!" or flowers after a bad day. I smiled at the thought of those memories. Those moments I will remember forever.
What makes you happy?
I mean really happy? Do you sit and wonder that ever?
I do. I have. I am..
After a mere 2 months in cosmetology school, I can say this does not make me happy. I think I justified fascination with happiness or interest. But it was eagerness that took over. Last Wednesday I tried to quit, I tried. But I was encouraged. This Wednesday, yesterday, I'm.. I don't know.
I woke up today in terrible pain and I don't know what it's from. Stress? probably. But I was so sick that I missed work. I lasted an hour at school. Before I left however I met with a financial aid adviser. I've been encouraged again. To quit.
(No no, she didn't tell me to quit.. I just can, financially...?)
Do I quit a lot? Yes. But I also know what makes me happy. If I do this, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Am I disappointed? Yes, but I tried, I tried and I didn't succeed. I will move on now, to bigger (and better) things.
I do. I have. I am..
After a mere 2 months in cosmetology school, I can say this does not make me happy. I think I justified fascination with happiness or interest. But it was eagerness that took over. Last Wednesday I tried to quit, I tried. But I was encouraged. This Wednesday, yesterday, I'm.. I don't know.
I woke up today in terrible pain and I don't know what it's from. Stress? probably. But I was so sick that I missed work. I lasted an hour at school. Before I left however I met with a financial aid adviser. I've been encouraged again. To quit.
(No no, she didn't tell me to quit.. I just can, financially...?)
Do I quit a lot? Yes. But I also know what makes me happy. If I do this, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Am I disappointed? Yes, but I tried, I tried and I didn't succeed. I will move on now, to bigger (and better) things.
France, Cosmetology and The Beatles..
Prologue:
I think when I signed up I was hoping that drama was for 14 year olds and I wouldn't have any. After about 4 weeks without drama, I still had it in my head that "hey, we're a pretty mature group of people.. atleast with eachother (15 at the time)". But shortly after that we had new students, 2 phones stolen, 1 wallet.. So now it's basically new vs old, with some of us just moving on.
I think personally I couldn't trust anyone from day 1, but it was hard not too cause everyone was so nice and so willing to be friendly. Our count was at 20 when we got 5 new students last week. That's about the time the room imploded. Our once very respectable, quiet, group turned into loud, obnoxious high school types. Our teacher would often turned to the new students and go, "I swear they are not normally like this.."
Wednesday: When I woke up Wednesday, my hear sank. I looked at the clock, late as the pass 3 weeks have made me, I took a breath, and went back to bed. I would not go today. By 9 o' clock I woke and as the tears rolled down my face I sat there wondering what I was doing with my life and why I stopped trying. I corresponded with a friend, at school, via text message, she tried to cheer me up but all I could say was "this isn't for me". I had given up, whole heartily. I felt so dragged down by being just "not good enough" and feeling like the black sheep, with a side of ugly duckling. I had no attachment, no hope and there was no turning back.
I spent the afternoon with a friend, a recent beauty school graduate. She listened as I laid my sob story down, and explained feeling so ill prepared, and untalented. She gave me the best advice she could, and we just tried to enjoy the day.
While out, my phone rang (ironically I was in the AT&T store). I was surprised to hear someone from school on the other end. It was a teacher. I was quite confused. This teacher was more of a acquaintance, when I went to a beauty school forum (hairshow type thing) she was our "guardian". She's a nice person. (Side note: A week earlier I had requested to be in her class, I never followed through.. wtg, Whitnee). She had explained that my friend (the same friend I had text messaged with) had told her that I wasn't doing too well, and she was worried about me. After talking to her for about 10 minutes, she told me she'd talk to my dean and set up a meeting. By the end of the day I had a 1PM appointment, Thursday with my Dean.
Thursday: Thursdays are my working days, so my appointment turned into a long lunch. The appointment didn't get me very far. I was encouraged to go back to class, and stick it out. I could switch to nights after I tested out. But beyond that, it was better for me not to switch. The reason being that nights had their own schedule and so did days. I'd end up reviewing everything I had already learned.
Friday: I got an interesting message from a classmate. It asked if I was switching to nights. It wasn't a classmate I often "shared" with. (Unless I wanted to share with her and the school). Anyway.. I was interested in this. So I decoded further. I texted message someone I did trust. I asked her plainly, "Were they talking about me on Wednesday?" and she replied "Yes". It was at that moment that my insecurities about my skills met with my insecurities about me, personally. I didn't know what to think. But I was hurt. What could they say about me? I'm considerate to everyone, I have to be, that's who I am. If I'm mean, it's on accident, and I will always apologize..
6:40pm and later: My friend later called me to explain what had happened Wednesday. I couldn't believe what I heard. You should have a pretty good reason to call someone a "bitch" in front of people. This person's reason was ridiculous. They believed, because I wasn't hanging with them or as they said "was being different", that I would complain about them or that I had complained about them to the dean. (Hence being the reason I would act different). You'd think if you have 4 complaints about you, you'd keep your mouth shut. Well, remember, this is highschool revisited.
Let me tell you, I'm trying to avoid drama, why would I complain about someone? Even if I felt uncomfortable, I'm going to keep to myself. I have never talked to the dean about anyone. When I was there Thursday, I told her I wanted to switch because I believe solely that I was behind everyone else, my skills were not up to par..
Conclusion:
I was told no last week. Tomorrow I start night school. What changed their minds, I don't know. But the moral to the story is pray before you give up. That's something Nathan reminded me to do this week.
-------
I got a letter from France today. My friend is there, and it was quite nice to get it. I have a reason to take some memorable photos of our little area... He's gone for 2 years, pretty heavy commitment, but I think he's enjoying himself. I hope atleast. He seems happy in his e-mails and his letter had me laughing.
Well That was more than enough for me, this post, wow.
Xox,
Whitnee
-----
A friend posted this on myspace, I really liked it..
--------
"You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right "
-The Beatles "Revolution"
I think when I signed up I was hoping that drama was for 14 year olds and I wouldn't have any. After about 4 weeks without drama, I still had it in my head that "hey, we're a pretty mature group of people.. atleast with eachother (15 at the time)". But shortly after that we had new students, 2 phones stolen, 1 wallet.. So now it's basically new vs old, with some of us just moving on.
I think personally I couldn't trust anyone from day 1, but it was hard not too cause everyone was so nice and so willing to be friendly. Our count was at 20 when we got 5 new students last week. That's about the time the room imploded. Our once very respectable, quiet, group turned into loud, obnoxious high school types. Our teacher would often turned to the new students and go, "I swear they are not normally like this.."
Wednesday: When I woke up Wednesday, my hear sank. I looked at the clock, late as the pass 3 weeks have made me, I took a breath, and went back to bed. I would not go today. By 9 o' clock I woke and as the tears rolled down my face I sat there wondering what I was doing with my life and why I stopped trying. I corresponded with a friend, at school, via text message, she tried to cheer me up but all I could say was "this isn't for me". I had given up, whole heartily. I felt so dragged down by being just "not good enough" and feeling like the black sheep, with a side of ugly duckling. I had no attachment, no hope and there was no turning back.
I spent the afternoon with a friend, a recent beauty school graduate. She listened as I laid my sob story down, and explained feeling so ill prepared, and untalented. She gave me the best advice she could, and we just tried to enjoy the day.
While out, my phone rang (ironically I was in the AT&T store). I was surprised to hear someone from school on the other end. It was a teacher. I was quite confused. This teacher was more of a acquaintance, when I went to a beauty school forum (hairshow type thing) she was our "guardian". She's a nice person. (Side note: A week earlier I had requested to be in her class, I never followed through.. wtg, Whitnee). She had explained that my friend (the same friend I had text messaged with) had told her that I wasn't doing too well, and she was worried about me. After talking to her for about 10 minutes, she told me she'd talk to my dean and set up a meeting. By the end of the day I had a 1PM appointment, Thursday with my Dean.
Thursday: Thursdays are my working days, so my appointment turned into a long lunch. The appointment didn't get me very far. I was encouraged to go back to class, and stick it out. I could switch to nights after I tested out. But beyond that, it was better for me not to switch. The reason being that nights had their own schedule and so did days. I'd end up reviewing everything I had already learned.
Friday: I got an interesting message from a classmate. It asked if I was switching to nights. It wasn't a classmate I often "shared" with. (Unless I wanted to share with her and the school). Anyway.. I was interested in this. So I decoded further. I texted message someone I did trust. I asked her plainly, "Were they talking about me on Wednesday?" and she replied "Yes". It was at that moment that my insecurities about my skills met with my insecurities about me, personally. I didn't know what to think. But I was hurt. What could they say about me? I'm considerate to everyone, I have to be, that's who I am. If I'm mean, it's on accident, and I will always apologize..
6:40pm and later: My friend later called me to explain what had happened Wednesday. I couldn't believe what I heard. You should have a pretty good reason to call someone a "bitch" in front of people. This person's reason was ridiculous. They believed, because I wasn't hanging with them or as they said "was being different", that I would complain about them or that I had complained about them to the dean. (Hence being the reason I would act different). You'd think if you have 4 complaints about you, you'd keep your mouth shut. Well, remember, this is highschool revisited.
Let me tell you, I'm trying to avoid drama, why would I complain about someone? Even if I felt uncomfortable, I'm going to keep to myself. I have never talked to the dean about anyone. When I was there Thursday, I told her I wanted to switch because I believe solely that I was behind everyone else, my skills were not up to par..
Conclusion:
I was told no last week. Tomorrow I start night school. What changed their minds, I don't know. But the moral to the story is pray before you give up. That's something Nathan reminded me to do this week.
-------
I got a letter from France today. My friend is there, and it was quite nice to get it. I have a reason to take some memorable photos of our little area... He's gone for 2 years, pretty heavy commitment, but I think he's enjoying himself. I hope atleast. He seems happy in his e-mails and his letter had me laughing.
Well That was more than enough for me, this post, wow.
Xox,
Whitnee
-----
A friend posted this on myspace, I really liked it..
--------
"You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right "
-The Beatles "Revolution"
