Remind me again why I'm here.

I think I've gone to this point may times. But the college years are very confusing. At the point where you think that just maybe you've figured your life out, or atleast a direction, something changes that.

When I decided to go to school, for cosmetology, I was eager. But that was 8 months prior to actually being accepted. I think now, looking back, I should have just moved on. But curiosity got ahold of me. There were things that were far more interesting, one being studying aboard. The hardest part about turning down that opportunity was that I had dropped out of cosmetology school a couple weeks prior to the trip. It was frustrating. I think that was the moment I regretted ever going.

I think now I'm a bit more calm about the situation. Although I have $1,900 worth of loans to pay back for an education I didn't like, or enjoy. But that is the price you pay for going out on a limb.

Two years ago I attended an orientation or open house for a school in Ventura, CA. I was first approached by this school in what would have been my senior year in highschool (I had graduated the August before my senior year.)

I've often thought about why I didn't go. Was it the money? Was it the distance? Was it Nathan? But in the end it was a good decision for one reason: it was the wrong path. The program I was looking into was Visual Jounalism. The one type of photography that I'm shy about. It's the "there is an event grab your camera" kind of photography. Something you're born to do. I don't think that's my forte to be honest.

Brook's Institute of Photography has two campuses in California. Santa Barbara, and Ventura. Santa Barbara is primarily photography, while Ventura is a mixed media type of campus offering video, journalism, and design.

I was sitting next to my bookshelf, tossing papers, magazines, just random objects that possed no value. I came to my Brook's "booklet". It was basically a file folder with various course introductions. I looked through it with every intention of throwing it away. But as I glanced through the "Professional Photography" booklet, my heart skipped a beat.

I just sat there wondering why it seems so impossible.

Loneliest Day of the Week.

I've found that as I've gotten older, Sunday has become increasingly lonely. I still haven't figured out entirely why, but I can say I dread Sunday every week.

As a junior higher Sunday was my social day. It was the day that I spent with the youth group, at church, at lunch. The rest of the day was a relaxing day before the week started over again.

In highschool the pattern repeated, Sunday was the day I saw all of my friends. But when I moved Junior year, Sunday no longer possessed it's potential anymore. Going to other churches was really out of the question for me. I was 16, and pissed off.

When I moved back to Fresno, at 18, I continued going to church but Sunday's were not as they use to be. I often came home alone, and spent the afternoon alone while most of my friends went home to their families. Father and Mother's day were the worst. I always had to work the Monday after, so those days were full of me wishing I could skip forward a day or fly to where my parents were. The emotional annoyance of being 18 and not celebrating Mother and Father's day was something I never really expected.

When I started to pull out of church activities, Sunday's became very depressing. I felt judged, looked at, ignored, and forgotten all at once. Sunday became the day that made me sick, physically.

I've tried to take back Sunday's but even when I wake up I feel sad. The entire day I yearn for human contact, but often times it doesn't help. It's the day of shopping by yourself, no phone calls, no "facebook" comments or "myspace" messages. The day of canceled plans, goodbyes, fights, and the day before the week starts all over again. But sometimes, all I'm waiting for is the week to begin.


I feel loneliest on Sundays.

Plan a good day for me

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feelin' empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord I hope this day is good

Lord, have you forgotten me?
I been prayin to you faithfully
I should be thankful Lord you know I am
But Lord I hope you understand

I don't need fortune and I don't need fame
Send down the thunder, Lord, send down the rain
But when you're plannin just how it will be
Plan a good day for me

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feelin empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord I hope this day is good

You've been the king since the dawn of time
All that I'm askin is a little less crime
It might be hard for the devil to do
But it would be easy for you

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feelin empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord I hope this day is good

-Lee Ann Womack.