Life is

Learning about family history is always interesting. It's always quite refreshing to hear about the good times and learn when your grandparents got married, how they originally met and about your grandmother's sisters (especially when you find she has 5!). But there is the stories of why two sisters who not only haven't spoken since 1982, but that the fight was over a quilt. Senseless it seems that for 25 years two sisters would fight over something so material. One sister is now in her 90s while my grandma is 72.

On my grandfather's side I learned of the name changes and of my famous relatives. Our last name was changed several generations before mine, because of a bootlegger in town, my great great grandfather was "a religious man" and changed the name to "Carlson" because of this bootlegger. My great grandfather restored our last name and thus is how I am not a Carlson. "Country Inn's & Suites by Carlson", amongst other things, were started by my grandfather's cousin.

I looked through the book of family history, which dates back to the 1500s, a Finish family who moved to Sweden. As I looked through, my grandmother told me stories. I than looked over old photographs, of her wedding, of her sisters and brothers (4 in total), and of my grandfather. She pointed and named everyone in her wedding party. This is when she pointed to Bruce, my grandfather's best friend.

Ted, my grandpa, and Bruce had been best friends since high school. They had many traditions, including a weekly breakfast or lunch. My grandmother, grandpa and Bruce would even take trips together. As my grandfather got older, and Alzheimer's symptoms started to show, Bruce was always there for him. He would pick him up and drive him around.

My grandfather died February 14, 2006. He was 75. A couple weeks later Bruce's brother died due to complications in a "routine surgery". Bruce had lost his best friend and his brother within months of each other. His depression overwhelmed him. Than the unthinkable happened. Bruce, taken by his grief, jumped off of a 7 story building.. to his death. He left a son, who although older, still needed a father. Bruce's son still calls my grandmother on holiday's, in fact he called yesterday. I hope his heart is healing.

Life is sacred, and I know that my grandfather would have never wanted for Bruce to succumb in such a way. The bitter truth is that life hurts, joy diminishes and even the most happy people hide themselves away.

The hardest part is fighting back, but even the hostile can overcome their deepest heartaches.

Merrrryy Christmas!

funny pictures

:D

I'm in southern California for the festivities this year, and have had a good week so far. Nathan drove down with me and is leaving today, on the train. It was fun just hanging out and seeing everyone (and the animals). Christmas is 5 days away! Yay!

One cool thing: My Dad and I traded phones. Well sort of, he gave me his Samsung Blackjack and started using the Treo 650 again that I had used in the earlier part of this year. One annoyance: My text messages haven't worked since we left the At&t store. (My sister needed a new phone, and my Dad needed a charger) :| Bum-mer. So I think we'll have to try again this afternoon, I'm not sure at all why they aren't working. But to pay for free text and they don't work? That's kind of lame. :/

Gots them fixed! :D



Anyway, I have a puppy sitting on my shoulders, and dog hair ALL over me. :) But that's how it should be!

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!



Final Grades:

Term GPA: 3.471





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12.17.07

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

-where are you christmas - faith hill [version]

Finally.

As of today I am official a Cosmetology student!


Well.. I don't start till February 11th but today I filled out all my paper work and figured out financial aid! Praise God I didn't have to pay a $1,000 upfront! I'm paying payments.. so I'm fully funded and will be paying back my loan come six months after graduation (end of 2009). I am so thankful that I was funded for most of my cost. I will be paying about $80 a month while in school, though.

I'm hoping to cope with everything soon. Figure out, in a spread sheet, exactly what I cost a month, and figure out what I can limit, budget and spend. I'm pretty optimistic about life, even knowing it has major ups and downs, I just can't be down about it all the time! I have to keep going. Otherwise you fall too deep. etcetera.

Writing is how I vent though, so I apologize for anything I might write that may mislead you. I generally want to be optimistic. But we all know we don't always get what we want. Writing is my way of keeping out of trouble, if that makes sense. It's also my way of expressing my heart.


:)


I wait in hope for your salvation, God.
Genesis 49:18[MSG]

Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon.
Psalm 31:24 [MSG]


Watch this: God's eye is on those who respect him,
the ones who are looking for his love.
He's ready to come to their rescue in bad times;
in lean times he keeps body and soul together.
Psalm 33:18 [MSG]

We're depending on God;
he's everything we need.
What's more, our hearts brim with joy
since we've taken for our own his holy name.
Love us, God, with all you've got—
that's what we're depending on.
Psalm 33:22[MSG]

Here we go again

Four years, you'd think for sure
That's all you've got to endure
All the total dicks,
All the stuck-up chicks
So superficial,
So immature
And then when you graduate
you take a look around and you say
HEY WAIT
This is the same as where I just came from
I thought it was over
Oh that's just great!

The whole damn world
Is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed
And who's having sex
Who's got the money
Who gets the honeys
Who's kinda cute
And who's just a mess

And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
Nothing changes, but the faces, the names and the trends
High School Never Ends!

Check out the popular kids
You'll never guess what Jessica did
How did Mary Kate lose all that weight
And Katie had a baby so I guess Tom's straight
And the only thing that matters
Is climbing up that social ladder
Still care about your hair and the car you drive
Doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty-five

Reese Witherspoon
She's the prom queen
[High School Never Ends lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Bill Gates
Captain of the Chess team
Jack Black
The Clown
Brad Pitt
The quarterback
I've seen it all before
I want my money back!

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex
Who's in the club
And who's on the drugs
Who's throwing up, before they digest
And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
And you still listen to the same shit you did back then
High School Never Ends!

high school never ends

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed
And who's having sex
Who's got the money
Who gets the honeys
Who's kinda cute
and who's just a mess
And I still don't have the right look
And I still have the same three friends
And I'm pretty much the same as I was back then
High School Never Ends!

High School Never Ends

High School Never Ends

Here we go again

Bowling for Soup - Highschool Never Ends

Come and listen.

funny pictures

Hehe.

I'm trying to find beauty in the simple, and I find beauty is simple really. It's everywhere.

I was having a conversation with a friend about "Song of Solomon". I mentioned to him that I enjoyed the way Solomon wrote, and he said even Song of Solomon? I said yes, I said it's someone's honesty. I love honesty, no matter the subject. But honesty is also something that bruises to the core. It's like they are honestly saying you look terrible and as much as your like thanks for being honest, inside you are burning with grief at the fact that they would say such a thing! Oh what a double edge sword that one is!

We continued to talk about Song of Solomon, and both agreed that we'd understand it much better when each of us got married. It's understanding a person a certain way, taking a husband or wife, etc. For now I will appreciate it's simple beautiful honesty :)

It's almost 2AM and I'm sitting on my bed, listening to David Crowder Band. A band I have not listened to in a long time. I love them but I tired from hearing them. I am still amazed every time I hear them however. Boy do they impress me! This is completely random by the way and I had no point to it just to say that I love DCB and rediscovering them tonight was good.

At Axis we have been studying the history of Christmas. I find it absolutely fascinating. People who do not know me well, will learn that I love to study history. I am actually a declared history major. I'm not pursuing that field, but it still intrigues me like no other thing. I love knowing why, how, and when. I am bias towards Ancient history, however, and favor Egyptian history.

Anyway, learning about the people of the time makes me want to study it further. In the end it makes me want to go back to studying Latin. I'd sometime in my life like to learn French, Latin, Greek and Aramaic. I know that is a very tough goal, but it all really fascinates me, and I just want to know. Know as much as possible.

On that note, I am going to head to bed, this post is turning into a middle of the night random train of thought. :)

It's real easy.

It's simple to keep things to yourself.
But once and awhile everyone needs another person (people).


My prayer requests:
1) Housing. I have to give up over thinking this.
2) Money. Everyday is a struggle and a worry.


I am in the middle, the "I want to grow up but can't, But I'm such a 'child' and I can't be that either", Limbo. Awful. I'd like to balance my innerchild with my outeradult. I want to calm down a little bit, I know so may people worry about these things, I just don't want to worry. I want to be responsible, but still have fun. I want to have fun but still be smart. I want to budget and still spend. I want to spend, and still save.

I guess I'm looking for encouragement, the "your not alone" kind.

(/end of sappy, self-involved post)

The so called

I was doing it right.
Going to college.
But I'm drowning anyway.





A's and B's don't pay the bills.