Prologue:
I think when I signed up I was hoping that drama was for 14 year olds and I wouldn't have any. After about 4 weeks without drama, I still had it in my head that "hey, we're a pretty mature group of people.. atleast with eachother (15 at the time)". But shortly after that we had new students, 2 phones stolen, 1 wallet.. So now it's basically new vs old, with some of us just moving on.
I think personally I couldn't trust anyone from day 1, but it was hard not too cause everyone was so nice and so willing to be friendly. Our count was at 20 when we got 5 new students last week. That's about the time the room imploded. Our once very respectable, quiet, group turned into loud, obnoxious high school types. Our teacher would often turned to the new students and go, "I swear they are not normally like this.."
Wednesday: When I woke up Wednesday, my hear sank. I looked at the clock, late as the pass 3 weeks have made me, I took a breath, and went back to bed. I would not go today. By 9 o' clock I woke and as the tears rolled down my face I sat there wondering what I was doing with my life and why I stopped trying. I corresponded with a friend, at school, via text message, she tried to cheer me up but all I could say was "this isn't for me". I had given up, whole heartily. I felt so dragged down by being just "not good enough" and feeling like the black sheep, with a side of ugly duckling. I had no attachment, no hope and there was no turning back.
I spent the afternoon with a friend, a recent beauty school graduate. She listened as I laid my sob story down, and explained feeling so ill prepared, and untalented. She gave me the best advice she could, and we just tried to enjoy the day.
While out, my phone rang (ironically I was in the AT&T store). I was surprised to hear someone from school on the other end. It was a teacher. I was quite confused. This teacher was more of a acquaintance, when I went to a beauty school forum (hairshow type thing) she was our "guardian". She's a nice person. (Side note: A week earlier I had requested to be in her class, I never followed through.. wtg, Whitnee). She had explained that my friend (the same friend I had text messaged with) had told her that I wasn't doing too well, and she was worried about me. After talking to her for about 10 minutes, she told me she'd talk to my dean and set up a meeting. By the end of the day I had a 1PM appointment, Thursday with my Dean.
Thursday: Thursdays are my working days, so my appointment turned into a long lunch. The appointment didn't get me very far. I was encouraged to go back to class, and stick it out. I could switch to nights after I tested out. But beyond that, it was better for me not to switch. The reason being that nights had their own schedule and so did days. I'd end up reviewing everything I had already learned.
Friday: I got an interesting message from a classmate. It asked if I was switching to nights. It wasn't a classmate I often "shared" with. (Unless I wanted to share with her and the school). Anyway.. I was interested in this. So I decoded further. I texted message someone I did trust. I asked her plainly, "Were they talking about me on Wednesday?" and she replied "Yes". It was at that moment that my insecurities about my skills met with my insecurities about me, personally. I didn't know what to think. But I was hurt. What could they say about me? I'm considerate to everyone, I have to be, that's who I am. If I'm mean, it's on accident, and I will always apologize..
6:40pm and later: My friend later called me to explain what had happened Wednesday. I couldn't believe what I heard. You should have a pretty good reason to call someone a "bitch" in front of people. This person's reason was ridiculous. They believed, because I wasn't hanging with them or as they said "was being different", that I would complain about them or that I had complained about them to the dean. (Hence being the reason I would act different). You'd think if you have 4 complaints about you, you'd keep your mouth shut. Well, remember, this is highschool revisited.
Let me tell you, I'm trying to avoid drama, why would I complain about someone? Even if I felt uncomfortable, I'm going to keep to myself. I have never talked to the dean about anyone. When I was there Thursday, I told her I wanted to switch because I believe solely that I was behind everyone else, my skills were not up to par..
Conclusion:
I was told no last week. Tomorrow I start night school. What changed their minds, I don't know. But the moral to the story is pray before you give up. That's something Nathan reminded me to do this week.
-------
I got a letter from France today. My friend is there, and it was quite nice to get it. I have a reason to take some memorable photos of our little area... He's gone for 2 years, pretty heavy commitment, but I think he's enjoying himself. I hope atleast. He seems happy in his e-mails and his letter had me laughing.
Well That was more than enough for me, this post, wow.
Xox,
Whitnee
-----
A friend posted this on myspace, I really liked it..
--------
"You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right "
-The Beatles "Revolution"
I think when I signed up I was hoping that drama was for 14 year olds and I wouldn't have any. After about 4 weeks without drama, I still had it in my head that "hey, we're a pretty mature group of people.. atleast with eachother (15 at the time)". But shortly after that we had new students, 2 phones stolen, 1 wallet.. So now it's basically new vs old, with some of us just moving on.
I think personally I couldn't trust anyone from day 1, but it was hard not too cause everyone was so nice and so willing to be friendly. Our count was at 20 when we got 5 new students last week. That's about the time the room imploded. Our once very respectable, quiet, group turned into loud, obnoxious high school types. Our teacher would often turned to the new students and go, "I swear they are not normally like this.."
Wednesday: When I woke up Wednesday, my hear sank. I looked at the clock, late as the pass 3 weeks have made me, I took a breath, and went back to bed. I would not go today. By 9 o' clock I woke and as the tears rolled down my face I sat there wondering what I was doing with my life and why I stopped trying. I corresponded with a friend, at school, via text message, she tried to cheer me up but all I could say was "this isn't for me". I had given up, whole heartily. I felt so dragged down by being just "not good enough" and feeling like the black sheep, with a side of ugly duckling. I had no attachment, no hope and there was no turning back.
I spent the afternoon with a friend, a recent beauty school graduate. She listened as I laid my sob story down, and explained feeling so ill prepared, and untalented. She gave me the best advice she could, and we just tried to enjoy the day.
While out, my phone rang (ironically I was in the AT&T store). I was surprised to hear someone from school on the other end. It was a teacher. I was quite confused. This teacher was more of a acquaintance, when I went to a beauty school forum (hairshow type thing) she was our "guardian". She's a nice person. (Side note: A week earlier I had requested to be in her class, I never followed through.. wtg, Whitnee). She had explained that my friend (the same friend I had text messaged with) had told her that I wasn't doing too well, and she was worried about me. After talking to her for about 10 minutes, she told me she'd talk to my dean and set up a meeting. By the end of the day I had a 1PM appointment, Thursday with my Dean.
Thursday: Thursdays are my working days, so my appointment turned into a long lunch. The appointment didn't get me very far. I was encouraged to go back to class, and stick it out. I could switch to nights after I tested out. But beyond that, it was better for me not to switch. The reason being that nights had their own schedule and so did days. I'd end up reviewing everything I had already learned.
Friday: I got an interesting message from a classmate. It asked if I was switching to nights. It wasn't a classmate I often "shared" with. (Unless I wanted to share with her and the school). Anyway.. I was interested in this. So I decoded further. I texted message someone I did trust. I asked her plainly, "Were they talking about me on Wednesday?" and she replied "Yes". It was at that moment that my insecurities about my skills met with my insecurities about me, personally. I didn't know what to think. But I was hurt. What could they say about me? I'm considerate to everyone, I have to be, that's who I am. If I'm mean, it's on accident, and I will always apologize..
6:40pm and later: My friend later called me to explain what had happened Wednesday. I couldn't believe what I heard. You should have a pretty good reason to call someone a "bitch" in front of people. This person's reason was ridiculous. They believed, because I wasn't hanging with them or as they said "was being different", that I would complain about them or that I had complained about them to the dean. (Hence being the reason I would act different). You'd think if you have 4 complaints about you, you'd keep your mouth shut. Well, remember, this is highschool revisited.
Let me tell you, I'm trying to avoid drama, why would I complain about someone? Even if I felt uncomfortable, I'm going to keep to myself. I have never talked to the dean about anyone. When I was there Thursday, I told her I wanted to switch because I believe solely that I was behind everyone else, my skills were not up to par..
Conclusion:
I was told no last week. Tomorrow I start night school. What changed their minds, I don't know. But the moral to the story is pray before you give up. That's something Nathan reminded me to do this week.
-------
I got a letter from France today. My friend is there, and it was quite nice to get it. I have a reason to take some memorable photos of our little area... He's gone for 2 years, pretty heavy commitment, but I think he's enjoying himself. I hope atleast. He seems happy in his e-mails and his letter had me laughing.
Well That was more than enough for me, this post, wow.
Xox,
Whitnee
-----
A friend posted this on myspace, I really liked it..
--------
"You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right "
-The Beatles "Revolution"
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